Gilmore Girl Quotes

I STILL really love this show! Now, here are some Gilmore Girl quotes for those who love it too!

# SEASON ONE

“It’s my mother’s name, too. She named me after herself. She was lying in the hospital thinking about how men name boys after themselves all the time, you know, so why couldn’t women? She says her feminism just kind of took over. Though personally I think a lot of Demerol also went into that decision. I never talk this much.”
– Rory exchanges names with Dean, “The Pilot”

“Every day. After school you come out and you sit under that tree there and you read. Last week it was Madame Bovary. This week it’s Moby Dick.”
“But why would you—”
“You’re nice to look at, and because you’ve got unbelievable concentration. Last Friday these two guys were tossing around a ball and one guy nailed the other right in the face. I mean, it was a mess, blood everywhere, the nurse came out, the place was in chaos, his girlfriend was all freaking out, and you just sat there and read. I mean, you never even looked up. I thought, ‘I have never seen anyone read so intensely before in my entire life. I have to meet that girl’.”
– Dean, explaining to Rory how he “noticed” her

“Are you my new daddy?”
– Rory, scaring off some unwanted attention for Lorelai, “The Pilot”

“I’m gonna be in a Britney Spears video?”
– Rory, as she sees her Chilton uniform, “The Pilot”

“So tell me about the guy. No, really, are you embarrassed to bring him home?”
“I’m not embarrassed.”
“Does he talk at all?”
– Lorelai, teasing Rory for info about Dean, “The Pilot”

“Hi this is a message for Rory. It’s Max Medina calling. I just wanted to say that I talked to Headmaster Charleston or ‘il duce’ as he’s more affectionately know at the Gilmore household, and he’s agreed to let you do some extra credit work to help make up for the missed test today. Now I’m not sure what the extra credit work is yet, but it probably will be time consuming and extremely painful. It will however get you back up to where you rightfully belong Rory, don’t lose heart. Make this work. And if you’re mother is listening, Lorelai it was a pleasure encountering you. I hope it happens again. Anyways, see you in class.”
– Max’s message to Rory, “The Deer Hunters”

“You like coffee? Can we drink some together? A sort of pre-date. Very casual, no strings, no obligations. We’ll just see if it’s even worth going down the road of including food in the deal. Just coffee.”
“I’m going to be in town tomorrow because I take a class at Hartford State and there’s a coffee shop across the street that I sometimes, almost all the time, go to around 4:00 and usually exactly 4:12. I could not stop a person from entering said establishment around that time, nor would I avoid them if I knew them if they did.”
– Max asks Lorelai out, “Cinnamon’s Wake”

“This is a serious problem. These Friday dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week.”
“Rory, are you in any way malnourished or in need of some international relief organization to recruit a celebrity to raise money on your account?”
– Emily and Richard are snowed in with Rory, “Love and War and Snow”

“At some point in your life you’re gonna have to decide that some guy is worth opening that front door for. I am just volunteering.”
– Max, volunteering to Lorelai, “Love and War and Snow”

“You are like a mythological creature that casts some kind of spell on me and makes me act stupid. I’m not stupid. I don’t act stupid with anyone else.”
– Max, trying to keep his distance from Lorelai

“It should be magical. There should be music playing and romantic lighting and a subtle buildup to the popping of the big question. There should be a thousand yellow daisies and candles and a horse and I don’t know what the horse is doing there unless you’re riding it, which seems a little over the top, but it should be more than this.”
– Lorelai describes to Max how a marriage proposal should be made

“What’s going on?”
“Am I or am I not the head man in charge of floral deliveries?”
“Yes, and one of the few men I know who would proudly declare that fact.”
…
“Daisies no less. As if I would order these pitiful little things. Foul things, these daisies. And just a notch up from weeds. And look how many. I mean, there must be at least—”
“A thousand of them! A thousand yellow daisies.”
– Lorelai and Michel take delivery of a thousand yellow daisies, “Love, Daisies and Troubadours”

# SEASON TWO

“Where you gonna live? …Hartford’s probably good, closer to Rory’s school… Of course, it is a little far from the inn… But who knows how long you’ll work after you’re married… Oh, but you probably already talked about that, right?”
“Uh, no, but I do think he and my father have come to an agreement on how many goats I’m worth.”
“Hey, I’m just talking here. It’s great, really. You gonna have more kids?”
– Luke, catching Lorelai off guard when she tells him about Max’s proposal, “Sadie, Sadie”

“Honey, someday when you’re a little older you will be introduced to something that is extremely seductive but fickle. A fair-weather friend who seems benign but packs a wallop like a donkey kick, and that is the Long Island iced tea. The Long Island iced tea makes you do things that you normally wouldn’t do, like lifting your skirt in public or calling someone you normally wouldn’t call at really weird times.”
– a hungover Lorelai warns Rory, “Red Light on the Wedding Night”

“It’s a long story. I don’t really wanna go into all the whats and whys and gory details right now… and to figure out exactly what happened, you’d have to dig up Freud himself and have him work on me full time.”
– Lorelai, ‘explaining’ the Max situation to Sookie, “The Road Trip to Harvard”

“You’re the most confident person I know. Obnoxiously so. You’re good at what you do and you know it.”
“I’m good at doing what I have to do. When I had to get a job, I got it. When I had to find a house for us and a life for us, I got it. When I had to get Rory into Chilton, I did it. But I don’t have to leave the Independence Inn. I don’t have to go into business for myself.”
– Luke and Lorelai, “The Ins and Outs of Inns”

“You sure you don’t want some tea? Tea usually makes things like this a little less awkward. There’s things to hold and stir.”
– Mia, to Emily, “The Ins and Outs of Inns”

“I hate fighting with friends.”
“That’s what enemies are for.”
“And God knows we have our share of those.”
– Rory and Lorelai, “The Ins and Outs of Inns”

“How often do you get to see teenagers speak iambic pentameter and kill themselves?”
– Lorelai, going to see Chilton’s “Romeo and Juliet” production, “Run Away, Little Boy”

“He has had to watch you go from one guy to another, and then the engagement, and then the engagement was off, and patiently he’s waited. And now in walks this kid and he says, ‘My God, will she date anyone else in the world before she’ll date me?'”
– Sookie, explaining Luke to Lorelai, “Run Away, Little Boy”

“I’m getting a little creeped out here… This is a cold, cold family.”
– Rory, as the family discuss future burial arrangements, “Richard in Stars Hollow”

“How can I break up with you? I’ve never been out with you.”
“Well yeah, but that’s what today was supposed to be, a date.”
“A date where we need a secret plan and a two-honk driveby and a decoy cousin?”
– Henry and Lane, “A Tisket, A Tasket”

“Why are you only nice to me?”
– Rory, to Jess, “A Tisket, A Tasket”

“But my question is, how did that happen? How was it that suddenly everyone in the world was saying ‘music has charms to soothe the savage beast’ when it was written breast.”
– Lorelai, to Rory, “It Should’ve Been Lorelai”

“I’m gonna have to drink a lot of coffee to keep up with you two.”
– Sherry meets Lorelai and Rory, “It Should’ve Been Lorelai”

“Richard, you didn’t even notice your own granddaughter isn’t here?”
“She’s so quiet she sometimes slips in unnoticed. She should work for the CIA.”
– Emily and Richard, as Rory misses dinner night, “It Should’ve Been Lorelai”

“I mean, we’re not good friends but we’re friends. We’re friendly… Friendish might be a better term.”
– Rory, describing her friendishship with Jess to Lorelai, “Lost and Found”

“You seem to have a very firm grasp of the English language. You put together several full sentences, even using a couple of words that contain two or more syllables, and then my mother appears and suddenly we need a thought bubble over your head to understand what you’re thinking. Can you tell me why that is?”
“The verbal thing comes and goes.”
– Rory and Jess, “Lost and Found”

“I don’t know what anything means anymore. I mean, I can’t even read my own handwriting. What does this say? The person who wrote this should be dressed in a clown suit stuffing bodies under their porch.”
– Paris seeking help from Rory for the symptoms of overstudying, “There’s The Rub”

“We have not been waiting forever.”
“Godot was just here. He said ‘I ain’t waiting for Richard,’ grabbed a roll, and left. It’s been forever.”
– Emily and Lorelai, at the dinner table, “Back in the Saddle Again”

“When we gather as a family, we eat as a family. We don’t eat in shifts.”
“You know, you’re bound by the rules of the Geneva Convention, Mother, just like everyone else.”
– Emily and Lorelai, “Back in the Saddle Again”

“Someone’s not taking to Elba too kindly.”
“What does that mean?”
“Just that Rory’s the leader of this group, Napoleon, and you’re not.”
– Louise and Paris, “Back in the Saddle Again”

“I’m gonna need a picture of this Jess so I don’t accidentally rip the head off the wrong kid ’cause that would be bad.”
– Christopher to Lorelai, “Teach Me Tonight”

“If we were gazelles, we’d be the first ones eaten at the watering hole.”
“Well, be thankful we’re not gazelles. Now go take your shower. You’re starting to look like you’re starring in an independent film.”
– Rory and Lorelai, looking the worse for wear, “Help Wanted”

“He’s not much of a morning person… It takes him about an hour to become Jackson.”
– Sookie, to Lorelai, “Lorelai’s Graduation Day”

# SEASON THREE

“Why’d you turn the car off?”
“I’m just getting the sense that I shouldn’t be driving a large vehicle when you tell me this.”
– Rory breaks some news to Lorelai, “Let The Games Begin”

“You sure you don’t want a soda?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Please let me get you a soda. I gotta do something other than stand here like a moron.”
– Jess and Rory, feeling awkward, “Let The Games Begin”

“Are you going to talk to him?”
“I’ll at least match him grunt for grunt.”
“Okay. Now, let’s say he’s in the house and there’s a fire, and you can either save him or your shoes ‘“ which is it?”
“That depends, did he start the fire?”

– Rory and Lorelai discuss Jess, “Let The Games Begin”

“I’m so tired of fighting. Or not even fighting because he won’t fight. He just gets mad and disappears and then comes back and I don’t like how I feel and I don’t like what I do.”

– Rory, about her relationship with Jess

“Dean started it… He sucker punched me and I was just defending myself.”
“Oh, apparently you defended yourself all the way through the house and out into the front yard. You defended yourself with a chair that is now broken. You defended yourself with a coffee table.”
– Jess and Luke ‘recap’ the fight

“Let me plant this little thought in your head – you do or say anything to upset Jess and make it harder for me to keep him on the right path, I’m gonna put your head through a wall. Any wall, you can pick the wall, but it’s gonna be a wall, okay?”

– Luke, to Jimmy

“You know, when you left home, were the cops after you?”
“No.”
“No ’cause they shouldn’t be or no ’cause they haven’t found the head yet?”
– Jimmy and Jess

“Oh my God, it’s Audrey Hepburn. You’re Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina. Just a waif with eyes.”
– Miss Celine greets Rory

“I made out a schedule. Every single moment of every single day from now until graduation is accounted for.”
– Rory might be pushing herself too hard

“Now, did anyone ever to tell you to picture the audience in their underwear? Well, don’t do it. I did it once and I had nightmares for a week. Bulgarians in Speedos.”
– Richard offers some pre-speech advice to Rory

“Rory, honey, do you understand, the Gilmores do nothing altruistically. Strings are attached to everything.”
“There are no strings… I just have to pay them back starting five years after I graduate, and I have to start going back for Friday night dinners.”
“Um, hello, Pinocchio, those are strings.”
– Lorelai and Rory, “Those Are Strings, Pinocchio”

“I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I’ve been a resident of Faulkner’s Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina, and strolled down Swann’s Way. It’s a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything.”
– Rory’s valedictorian speech, “Those Are Strings, Pinocchio”

# SEASON FOUR

“I humiliate myself at least six times a year for this town, and just because I’m going to Yale, that’s not going to stop. Now the reason I am not the Ice Cream Queen is because Taylor never asked me. I didn’t know about it, and that’s why I was busy. Now I love this town, I will be back in that ridiculous pilgrim outfit at Thanksgiving, so everybody just get off my back.”
– Rory, addressing the town, “Ballrooms and Biscotti”

“Are you listening to me? I can’t leave. She won’t let me leave ever. This is Iran in ’79 and you are Jimmy Carter. What do we do?”
– Rory, taken hostage by Emily at a friday night dinner, “Ballrooms and Biscotti”

“My mother – she was here. I can feel it. Smell that? The room smells like guilt and Chanel No. 5.”
– Lorelai, sensing Emily in Rory’s room, “The Hobbit, the Sofa and Digger Stiles”

“My grandmother broke into our room and furnished it…”
– Rory, updating her roommates on the new decor, “The Hobbit, the Sofa and Digger Stiles”

“Hey, talk to a boy. A boy will be nice to you.”
– Sookie, as she and Lorelai search for Michel, “Chicken or Beef”

“I’m in the Navy now, you know. My older cousins did two-year stints. It paid for their college and stuff, so I joined up. Of course, we weren’t fighting international skirmishes on two or three dangerous fronts like we are now…”
– Kyle, ‘designated driver’ at Dean’s bachelor bash, “Chicken or Beef”

“Stop doing that. Looking at me. You’re watching me watch the movie. It’s creepy.”
“I enjoy watching people watch certain parts of certain movies.”
“But you look over just before something big happens, so I always know something’s coming.”
– Luke and Lorelai, at his first ‘movie night’, “The Fundamental Things Apply”

“Dating. It’s a horror.”
“It’s the only cure for the singleness thing, barring ordering a spouse off the internet.”
“If I had dated a lot, I’d still be single. I’d just have spent a lot of bad nights at Tony Roma’s.”
– Luke and Lorelai, “The Fundamental Things Apply”

“Talk to me about Jason.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Oh, come on. I’m in a serious romantic dry spell. I need to live vicariously through somebody.”
– Rory and Lorelai, “Ted Koppel’s Big Night Out”

“I find nothing exciting before eleven.”
– Rory, not thrilled by the big game, “Ted Koppel’s Big Night Out”

“The plural of cul-de-sac is culs-de-sac? That doesn’t even sound like English.”
“That’s because it’s French.”
– Lorelai and Rory, discussing the finer points of grammar, “The Nanny and the Professor”

“Now I know who Woody Allen’s next leading lady’s gonna be.”
– Lorelai finds out who Paris is dating, “The Nanny and the Professor”

“As we speak, I am working on the perfect alibi. I’ve come up with lots of, you know, mid-afternoon and evening alibis, but so far no 1:00 AM alibis… I’ll come up with something. My entire life has been a training session for this very event.”
– Lane, preparing an escape plan for a gig, “In the Clamor and the Clangor”

“How about you taking me to that place you’re always talking about. What is it… Duke’s?”
– Jason visits Stars Hollow, “A Family Matter”

“That had all the tact of a Nazi storm trooper.”
– Rory, after hearing Paris break up with a boyfriend, “A Family Matter”

“Man, I love e-mail. Every day Rory and I write each other multiple times. It’s great.”
“You enjoy typing to people more than talking to them?”
“Wrong perspective. E-mail is a return to the romantic days of letter writing. It’s pure Dickens.”
– Lorelai and Luke, “Scene in a Mall”

“I have a gigantic bottle of vodka at my place – the largest bottle of vodka known to man.”
“But what will you drink?”
“Gin.”
– Jason and Lorelai, fleeing a disastrous family dinner, “Tick, tick, tick, boom!”

“I’m fine. In a weird way, my father trying to destroy me is the first time I’ve ever gotten any real respect out of him.”
– Jason, “Tick, tick, tick, boom!”

“I’m officially taking the one hour I have off to go to the driving range to hit golf balls to try to improve my sucky game, thereby redeeming myself in your father’s eyes.”
“I like the use of ‘sucky’ and ‘thereby’ in the same sentence.”
– Jason and Lorelai, “Afterboom”

“So, how’s World War III going?”
“Oh, you know, the first boys off the boat were mowed down, but the next platoon is moving in.”
“Which means?”
“Jason’s making the lawsuit go away.”
– Rory and Lorelai, “Afterboom”

“I was here to cover the reading for the paper to go along with the review of the book. And then I arrive only to realize that every single available girl at Yale is here, including four of my reporters.”
– Doyle, to Rory, as he covers an Asher Fleming reading, “Afterboom”

“I’m just saying that I want to earn all of my grades. No matter how many ‘wise, willful, and wonderful women’ I know.”
– Rory, afraid she’s being favoured by Professor Fleming, “Afterboom”

“Rory… right now is the point in the horror movie where the entire audience is yelling, ‘Don’t go in there.'”
– Lorelai, bracing himself for a family dinner, “Afterboom”

The cats — they know that I’ve broken up with Jason and that I’m alone and they’ve decided it’s time for me to become a crazy cat lady… they can see it in my face. ‘She’s single again. She couldn’t make it work again. She picked the wrong guy again.’
– Lorelai, attracting cats, “Luke Can See Her Face”

“Whose phone calls or visits are never unwanted or too long? Do you see her face? Who would you most like to have in your life to ward off moments of loneliness? Do you see her face? When you travel, who would make your travels more enjoyable? Do you see her face?”
– Luke’s self help tape, “Luke Can See Her Face”

“Are you saying that ‘sleeping with the zucchini’ means…”
“Jackson’s sleeping with the zucchini… there’s a potential cold front coming in from Canada.”
…
“I’m so sorry, guys… for freaking out about dumb things like zucchini and not realizing that people would respond in very loving and nutty ways. This is not the way to do this.”
– Lorelai and Sookie, as the Inn takes over everyone’s lives, “Luke Can See Her Face”

“Rory, you’ve had quite the dry spell this year.”
“I have not had a dry spell.”
“There’s not one picture of you with a guy.”
– Paris and Rory, “Last Week Fights, This Week Tights”

“Lesson number one – when your mom or your grandmother starts trying to pin down your specific whereabouts at a specific time and place, and she’s smiling kind of weird, begin evasive maneuvers immediately.”
– Graham to Rory, “Last Week Fights, This Week Tights”

“At Lane’s, two boys, one with hair. And the place, broken furniture and dirt and boys and a broken window and boys… and a tiny fridge and guitars and boys. She stood in that room with two boys.”
“Mrs. Kim, you know why the boys were there? She was trying to be up front with you, and that’s good. She could have hid them from you, and she didn’t. I’ve met those boys. They’re innocent. As innocent as if she was living with two girls. So think of them that way… as two tall, gawky, caring, sometimes unwashed girls who are watching out for your daughter’s safety.”
“Girls. Girls.”
– Mrs. Kim and Lorelai, after Mrs. Kim visits Lane, “Last Week Fights, This Week Tights”

“I’ll see you…before then, but I’ll see you then, too.”
“Yeah, I’ll see you both of those thens.”
– Luke and Lorelai, looking forward to their ‘date’, “Last Week Fights, This Week Tights”

“Did I lose?”
“Well, you have no head, so probably.”
“So this is what teenage boys are doing instead of watching television? Seems like a lateral move.”
– Rory and Lane, playing the boys’ video console, “Raincoats and Recipes”

“You gave me space? We broke up.”
“I didn’t look at it that way. I looked at it as a cooling-off period.”
“How very revisionist of you.”
– Lorelai and Jason, “Raincoats and Recipes”

“What are you doing?”
“Will you just stand still?”
– Lorelai and Luke, on the porch of the Dragonfly, “Raincoats and Recipes”

“He’s not a married guy. He’s Dean — *my* Dean.”
“He’s not your Dean. He’s Lindsay’s Dean. You’re the other woman.”
“I told you, it’s over.”
“It’s not over until he’s out of the house with the ring off.”
– Rory and Lorelai, “Raincoats and Recipes”

# LORELAI QUOTES

“I feel so rich and suddenly in complete agreement with everything Bush has to say.”
– Lorelai after receiving a check for $75,000

“So, I think I’m in touch with the other side.”
“The other side of…”
“The other side.”
“With Republicans?”
“No. Lately I’ve been having these dark premonitions.”
– Lorelai explains her dark premonitions to Rory

“There are times in your life when you have to do ridiculous things for money.”
– Lorelai passes on some wisdom to Rory

“Do not eat chips out of a communal bowl. You might as well stick your hand in a toilet. If you’re desperate, offer to be the person who replenishes them with new bags and grab a handful out of the new bag and dump the rest in the communal bowl.”
– Lorelai offers some pre-party advice to Rory

“Rory, my heart. It is Saturday, the day of rest.”
“Sunday’s the day of rest.”
“No, Saturday is the day of pre-rest.”
“Pre-rest?”
“Yeah, so that way when you actually get to Sunday you’re rested enough to enjoy your rest.”
– Lorelai, to Rory, trying to stay in bed

“What was with those kids? So curious, so full of questions. Shouldn’t their brains be completely fried on TV and video games by now?”
– Lorelai, exasperated by a Q&A at Stars Hollow High

# THE GILMORE FAMILY

“Is there a problem?”
“Nothing Shakespeare couldn’t turn into a really good play.”
– Lorelai, exasperated by her mother

“Rory, your grandfather and I thought it might be nice after dinner for you to go around the house and pick out what you’d like us to leave you in our wills… You should have what you like. So look around and when you see something you like stick a Post-It on it.”
– Emily & Richard make plans for the future

“You can’t even let Rory have one piece of our lives, even if i’s her choice.”
– Emily to Lorelai, as Lorelai freaks out about Rory applying to Yale

“It’s from my mother.”
“What is it?”
“It’s heavy. Must be her hopes and dreams for me.”
“I thought she discarded those years ago.”
– Lorelai and Rory get a delivery from Emily

“Honestly, Lorelai. It’s not your looks that keep them away. Think about that.”
– Emily, as Lorelai doesn’t bring a date to a function

# PARIS QUOTES

“How is my running with you gonna change anything?”
“Because people think you’re nice. You’re quiet, you say excuse me, you look like little birds help you get dressed in the morning. People don’t fear you.”
– Rory and Paris, as Paris seeks a vice president, “I Can’t Get Started”

“What do you mean what? He just asked you out on a date.”
…
“He did?”
“Yes.”
“Did I accept?”
“Yes.”
– Rory fills Paris in on what just happened

“I can’t date. I’m not genetically set up for it.”
– Paris gets nervous before her date

“If I go there it’s going to look like I went there just to be with him. Suddenly I’m Felicity without the hair issues and I’m not terribly comfortable with that.”
– Paris on why she doesn’t want to follow her boyfriend to Princeton

“By the way, you know I ultimately do all these things for the good of mankind, right? Sometimes I don’t think I come off that way.”
– Paris desperately needs some volunteer work for her college application

“You don’t want to go. You don’t, it’s not you.”
“I have multiple personalities. It might be one of me.”
– Paris attempts to dissuade Rory from some extra credit activities, “Hammers and Veils”

“Marry rich.”
– Paris retorts to Louise, “Hammers and Veils”

“I’m sorry, have I ever been mistaken for a patient person?”
– Paris is not one for small talk, “I Can’t Get Started”

“I know I’m not the first one to say it to you, but you’re insane.”
“Okay, look, I know you and me, we…”
“Shouldn’t be around each other armed.”
– Rory and Paris

“I think she periodically makes a whirring noise and then just shuts down.”
– Rory, discussing Paris’s sleeping habits

“We’ve been sitting here for an hour and have sold eight tickets… Unbutton your top. Teenage boys are controlled by one thing. Unbutton your top.”
“No.
“Well, me doing it isn’t going to help any.”
“Paris, you need to relax. You need to stop worrying. You need to stop obsessing. You need to stop looking at my boobs.”
– Paris and Lorelai try to sell some grad night tickets

“Uh, what are you doing?”
“I’m giving you a hug… Just give into it, baby. Come on, you can do it. That a girl. Unclench the fists, Paris. Unclench the fists. Yeah, there you go.”
– Paris and Lorelai bond

“How was I supposed to know you were gonna jump out of your seat like a maniac?”
“You know me. You room with me. You should have known.”
– Rory and Paris, “Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doing the Twist”

“This is the kind of cold you read about in a Dickens novel. We should be in a workhouse or shilling for Fagin… It’s been the coldest winter in the history of winter.”
– Paris, “Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doing the Twist”

“Don’t drink. And after you’re done not drinking, drink tons of water and take two aspirin before you go to bed. And take Paris with you everywhere. Not much can happen with that girl along.”
– Lorelai’s advice to Rory before spring break, “Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doing the Twist”

“That was subtle.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The Joanie loves Chachi moment.”
“He said ‘hey’. I said ‘hey’ back. I was being polite.”
“In Burma, you’d be married…or brutally killed.”
– Rory makes the mistake of ‘heying’ a cute guy in front of Paris, “Girls in Bikinis…”

“Come on… go. Flirting seems to be a very big part of this spring break ritual, and I’m taken. I can’t flirt. I have to live vicariously through you.”
– Paris orders Rory to flirt with the cute guy, “Girls in Bikinis…”

“Look around. Every single person in this place is having a better time than we are. Why? I mean, we’ve been doing everything everybody else is.”
– Paris, not getting into spring break, “Girls in Bikinis…”

“When Paris is happy the whole world is happy, but when she’s not happy, the whole world is ‘Deadwood’.”
– Rory, describing Paris’s moods to Logan

# IN STARS HOLLOW

“I’m running out of French curse-words that they won’t understand.”
– Michel is exasperated by a wedding party

“The one on the left is Matt. The one on the right is Mark… I’m very good at observing people, you know, learning the tics and traits, sound of their voices. It’s a gift.”
“That one has a Post-It on its back.”
“Oh, well, then that’s Mark. The one on the right is Matt.”
– Michel explains how he distinguishes identical twins to Sookie

“After working six hours longer than I usually work and performing tasks I despise and am ashamed of, and now I am going home to wash off the stench of this horrifying day.”
– Michel, to Lorelai, “I Can’t Get Started”

“Hey, how is it out there?”
“It is cold and gray like a fat dead pigeon.”
– Lorelai makes the mistake of asking Michel about weather, “Love and War and Snow”

“He should’ve just driven it out on a monster truck. He’s shamelessly catering to his demographic.”
– Sookie is not impressed Jackson presents his deep fried turkey to the guys

“Oh no! It just figures that the only Korean boy at this party has his Korean girl radar turned on.”
– Lane, wishing she was somewhere else

“He’s jealous. Oh my God, he’s jealous, that’s so great! …I’ve never made a guy jealous before. I feel so powerful.”
“Just remember, there’s cute jealous and there’s Othello.”
– Lane and Rory discuss Lane’s womanly wiles

“That is not Dave Rygalski. I mean, not the one that I’m in a band with. That is Dave Rygalski, local Christian guitar player that my mom and I met very briefly and innocently at the dance marathon, and that I coincidentally ran across again when I found his ad seeking Christian guitar accompaniment gigs up on our church bulletin board. I even put the fake ad up at church and pretended to find it with my mom next to me.”
“So, are you guys dating?”
“We’re laying the groundwork.”
– Lane and Lorelai, “A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving”

“Watch it. You break it, you buy it. Ten percent off for cousins, twenty percent off for nephews and nieces.”
– Mrs. Kim hosts family Thanksgiving, “A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving”

“I know you have very strict rules about dating and boys, but I just want you to know that I’m a good person. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I’ve never gotten a ticket, I’m healthy, I take care of myself, I floss. I never watch more than 30 minutes of television a night partly because I think it’s a waste of time and partly because there’s nothing on. I respect my parents, I do well in school, I never play video games in case they do someday prove that playing them can turn you into a serial killer. I don’t drink coffee. I hate soda because the carbonation freaks me out. I’m happy to give up meat if you feel strongly about it. I don’t mind wearing a tie. I enjoy playing those hymns on my guitar, and I really, really want to take your daughter to the prom.”
– Dave, giving his best shot to Mrs. Kim

“How are his friends?”
“Yes. Is there spin-off potential?”
– Madeline and Louise try to get the lowdown on Jamie from Rory

“By the way, I think you might be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.”
– Kirk, trying to ask Lorelai out

“It’s been four hours. Go home.”
“It’s boring at home. My TV’s broken.”
“So do something else.”
“Like what?”
“Read a book.”
“What book?
“Any book.”
“I’m gonna need a suggestion.”
“Moby Dick.
“That’s about the whale?”
“Yes.”
“No. What else?”
“Forget it, just sit there.”
“Okay.”
– Jess tries and fails to get Kirk to leave the diner

“Ladies, gentlemen, honored guests. Who owns the silver Volvo because you’re blocking me in?”
– Kirk politely tries to escape from Sookie’s wedding rehearsal, “I Can’t Get Started”

“I come to announce to one and all that the day we all thought would never get here has arrived.”
“The Day of Reckoning?”
– Taylor and Kirk, being Taylor and Kirk